i missed shootney!!! i wasn't able to bring my brother's laptop to tanay kase. anyway, the past days have been yummy. =p i'm enjoying the sembreak cos, well, i know i deserve it. proof? haha. well, i got what i have been dreaming and praying for since who knows when! haaaaay, i'm just so happy that i got high grades (of course, that forever excludes math). i worked hard for it. hay..thank God i survived!:)

one more week to go before 2nd sem. one murrr week! so anyway, i haven't been up to anything productive lately. oh, as promised to myself, i finally finished veronika decides to die! haha. as expected, i did love it. honestly, it's the first coelho book i've read. the alchemist, 11 minutes, and the others: people limitlessly talked about them, and naturally, i don't read books when i'm already familiar with its story, so i bunked them off. but despite that, i already found coelho a very intellectual writer. every line in the story was level-headed. if with others, you quote a part of their statement, with this man, it's like you SHOULD quote everything he said, else, you will miss a lot. malinamnam bawat salitang binibitawan nya. he's like a GOD!!! hahaha ako naman, i'd go "aw..this is so me!!" the whole time i read the book. haha. oh, another book i have AT SUPER LONG LAST finished is nicholas sparks' message in a bottle. it's so aww-ey and cute. i almost cried pa during the end part. pang movie 'tong message in a bottle.

i never thought i would love tiangge. really. and now i'm determined to save up so i can HOARD stuff once i go shopping again. katapusan na ng topshop sakin:(

so there. i just updated. before alpschizm rots. =p tomorrow i'll be back in tanay again. i hope this time my brother lends his laptop at length.

Date:	2006-10-12 14:41
Subject:	life is a formula.
Security:	Public
Mood:	NOT. *murmurs* you wish
Music:	Moony - Flying Away

..and, everytime i'd feel the emptiest and the most brainless, AND- awfully irrational, i will just recall what the super pinoy priest said during our recollection, "never compare. 'cause if you do, you either become proud or bitter. instead, you always think of yourself as unique." --i'll take yer word for that. yes, despite so many gravitational forces.

just so you know, i so envy people who carry their disappointments well. honestly, for me, acceptance of failure is just so much easier said than done. you know how casual people say it's okay to commit mistakes or fail 'cause it's part of the process and you learn from them anyway yadda yadda--to me, it just doesn't make sense. to others, once they didn't reach their goal, they go say 'it's okay, i'll do better next time'- as simple as that. and yea, most of the time, they really perform better. even so much better. while to *others, when they involuntarily disappoint themselves (i said 'involuntarily dissapoint', meaning they apparently did their very best, but due to inevitable below par mark, they claim they did otherwise) OR once a situation tends to be really disappointing, it takes too much everything- too much reminders, enlightenments, comforting words, pats on the back- everything, just to once again perk up, get back to work, and finally say to self, "yeah, i think it's just okay, i'll do better next time."

ohhaaayyyy.. life's cliches. haha. iba iba talaga ang mga tao. hey, who knows this is only for the meantime? baka mamaya nyan may boylet na ko. patay patay na. hahaha! =p

oh hey, an update before sem brrreak! an update before sociology and philosophy finals!;p buh-bye college algebra! finallyyyy:)

Date:	2006-10-06 16:38
Subject:	cheating time!! and some "aguuuy."
Security:	Public
Mood:	aguuyy talaga
Music:	Coldplay - The Scientist

i'm studying... math! supposedly, im gonna do magics continuously 'til morning, or 'til i understand everything included in the final exam. so in short, i'm gonna study math forever na. =p kidding kidding. hay, maaatthh. you're becoming a shit again. but thank god there's internet. haaayyyy. math has never been explained to me THIS understandable. haha. it's 1245 in my pc time and i think i wanna jump into the bath room and take a shower. gedness it's so hot.

to the BLUE community, my darlings, it was not at all a loss. i love you ateneo forever and ever and ever. 'til my post-grad! haha =p

hayahaaay. but i can't stay positive! esp when the game 3 is being brought up. it's so weird. i should be glad my school won. but heck, the situation is wrong side up. it hurts that my boys didn't bag the season. it just hurts.

okay, too much. finals are already next week. haha. gotstagogogo. life is fun. let's all remember that. lalo na ikaw *points to self*. whuuut.

Date:	2006-09-29 10:40
Subject:	"don't you just love finals month?", "yes i do. i love it so much i wanna die"
Security:	Public
Mood:	i have the heaviest eyes today
Music:	Marcos Hernandez - If You Were Mine

gaaash ang heavy ng feeling. it's like as if i swam for hours and hours and now i feel like collapsing. when all i did the whole night (make that, all i did since yesterday) was slouch and snooze. maybe it's cos i've been used to not having enough sleep. that's why the feeling is just so not right. and i've piles to do! dammit.

only have 2 more weekends left to fuckin EXPLOIT for finals. i want good grades. good, good, hiiigh, beautiful, agreeable, and PRO-LIFE GRADES. hahaha. thats all i want. then again, IN CASE this isn't really my time yet, hmmm.. i think i won't be as upset. i've been good all this time, though there were some "bahala nalang" days. i just dont wanna be bitter you know. i keep comparing, comparing and comparing. only to degrade myself in the end. nakakapagod din. parang wala ka nang makita na maganda sa buhay mo. ang unhealthy lang na lahat nadadamay. THINK POSITIVE. haha and.. just be thankful, yes? :)

ok, back to work! =)

Date:	2006-09-25 22:20
Subject:	on the verge on the verge on the.
Security:	Public
Mood:	hmm? haayy..?
Music:	Sailor Moon Serenada - violin and piano duet

my sociology professor just informed my classmate that long test in his subject tomorrow is cancelled. omg that's like the only good thing that happened to me today. typically (and i truly feel sorry for my being like this all the fucking time), i felt so dejected and incompetent the whole day. i did my usual school performance analysis. only to be warned that i still have great effort to exert in most of my subjects. god. school is my life. don't get me wrong. i'm not being too hard on myself. may gusto lang talaga akong patunayan sa sarili ko. sigh.

oh yea, so there. just updated. i'm off to doing some mathemagics now. do pray that i get a perfect score! i badly need it. ayayay!

i dont know why no matter what, my love for ateneo never dies. it must be.. yea, you got it ;)

Date:	2006-09-20 01:50
Subject:	of "almost BIG TIME regret" and loving math and.
Security:	Public
Mood:	MATH IS LOVE YEA YEA BABEHH !

i couldve killed myself. just this 1140, i was busy studying math, and my sister too, but busy with someone on the phone, my slightly awake junior med student brother came down to check on mame, our housekeeper, the THIRD dengue patient in our place (yes yes, near españa, eh? flood loyalist). it was only when he came down had my sister and i realized that we totally forgot to check on mame's dextrose! thank everyone's god forever. i swear, there was only around 5ml fluid left! that 5ml that saved her life. haha. poor us- my sister and i. we couldve been criminals by now. haha. oh, hayy. thank God. thank God. and many thanks to God forever. He saved not only mame, but also me and my sister from death. haha. but im okay now. kanina i was tulala, i could no longer understand what i was studying. it sucked.

but i still feel bad about it, i cant help but talk and think about it! gawd, how can i be so irresponsible and carefree? so bad.

on a lighter note, ive found a way to befriends with math. as a matter of fact, we're starting to become really really close. lovely, isnt it?:) :) :) and whats that way? naturally, i do not understand anything i study when caramel's (my ipod) earphones are plugged in my ears. ive discovered that it goes quite the opposite with math. i do enjoy going mad about numbers with caramel on. how enjoy? i can totally forget about the time and go on and on and on with mathematizing (of course, thats another "my term"). and its true. i mean, that math is actually fun once you learn to love it. MATH IS LOVE YEA YEA BABEHH ! ! ! i hope this works naman. my goodness. this is effort!

and so, hows life been? okay i guess. still patching my emotional plane. because sometimes winds are just too strong that the plane tends to go crazy. haha. though it hasn't crashed. =p it will be okay. well, its actually okay. coping:) hay..i just hope i wont do this for the rest of my life. stability, where are you?

hmmm, sem break, i can't smell you yet. aw. i have 127957213 gazillions of things still needing to be accomplished before finals..which is in less than a month already! whoa. am i seeing a what or what? *crossed fingers*

i love you orli bloom forever. shit, you are so hot in the ok magazine, sept issue i think. chris martin and jude law come next. they're on a par. hmmmm i love you! the three of you! you make me wanna.

uh.

hahahahaha! *wide awake grin*

as usual, going crazy again. cos as usual again, school is being tough.

i have to sleep!!! its already 132am! but i still cant. i feel so wide awake. im actually planning to watch a movie. ive a couple of new dvds right here:)

i need to feed my ipod new songs! but i dont know what to download. there are just too many songs i like that are not in my lovely caramel yet. cos sadly, i dont know a single detail about them. title, artist.. no no no. so im waiting for those to be played on the radio again and chance for details or jot down some of the lyrics. haha and then, google!

sorry for the randomness and some twaddle. im in the mood, which is rare, so let me:) haha. and i said im wide awake. and looovin' math, oooh (I MISS YOU, MY "OOOH" BOY. omg what songs did i just listen to? oh yea, no. you bet)

haaaayyy. bottom line??? life is such. (duh =p)

i'm a depression. i need my success coach.

because fuck, dammit dammit! i spent hours and hours for it! i knew i gave my all. only to get a shit? what am i doing wrong, exactly??? will any god tell me?

for now i think i need to fucking get this off my chest. i'm so hurt, im barely breathing. i cant properly think and speak i fuckin swear.

never will i give up on it. IT WILL.

kill yourself if you must, this i swear

Date:	2006-09-09 01:11
Subject:	why is everyone sick?
Security:	Public
Mood:	WHADDUP YEA YEA ! ! !
Music:	What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts (ooh)

1.5th level of hell week has just come to an end. oh yes what a week it was indeed. this morning in philo class we touched a bit about purgatory, whether or not and why my professor believes in it. according to him (as he believes and understands), it's where dead people (hm, or soul?), whose apologies are accepted by God but haven't really paid, atone for their sins committed on earth. now it's either majority or minority of us go straight to heaven. and those are the ones who already suffered hell on earth, best example would be the saints. and i thought, with this kind of hell-like schooling, i can go straight to heaven too. haha wenk! nah, just giving you an idea of how staid school has been lately. and it's driving me crazy. i remembered atty arlene maneja giving an advice during my course orientation on how to survive legal management. she kept on mentioning "time management." and it's just now that i've finally realized the exactness of it. it's so true. legal management is a course known to require a hella lot of reading, yes, sleepless nights reading piles and tons and heaps of notes. and you can totally come off having a smart and disciplined time management. we're all tempted to do other less productive things, or not even productive at all, though we're so aware that we only have 3 hours left to finish a 10-page reaction paper. it's just all about properly using and managing your time, and i couldn't agree more. a short bliss brought about by 6 hours DOTA won't ever compensate for the guilt and shame you'll suffer once scolded in class, or once seeing an F in your remarks. oh hay. what can you say. i've gone through ALL that. or maybe the "guilt and shame" feeling won't apply to everyone. i felt that cos i'm characteristically paranoid. not grade conscious, just the crazy type of paranoid. BEFORE (like last year haha), i would get annoyingly fearful cos i couldn't pass any project to the terror-est teacher, like i would be so close to tears. BUT after some smug quarter, i would be doing the same thing. like it's useless. ya get it? you're supposed to affirm and try your best you won't do it anymore. you can say cos you can't simply bear the irksome paranoia feeling, the discomfort that comes with it. and you know why. because you know it's unnatural of you. and doing well in school, exerting effort in projects and assignments, preparing for tests, is your natural self. you fucking feel guilty after seeing a pasang-awa grade because you know you could have done so much better and have given so much more, but you simply put your feet up for so long it wasn't okay anymore. hay, hay.. i was merely sick then. crazier, distracted like hell, easy go lucky. fucking lazy on top.

and i guess this is how i make up for it. yes, i'm having a hard time trying to focus, you know doing only what i'm supposed to do at a certain time and not cheat like go online and check friends' page, haha. and feedbacks have been good, although of course not at all times. as ive said before, backsliding is inevitable. but you do get back on the right track and perform your thing. i won't say it's easy. oh crap. spending five hours studying for an 8-item quiz in math, two nights for a 30-minute geo report, eight hours (all in all) for 2 lit reading logs, all in THREE DAYS is foul! if it were not for the irresistible hotcake, raisinets,  chocnut and of course coffee, i would have collapsed the instant i found out that the lit prof  wouldn't be around and that the geo prof would arrive too late for me to carry out my report last wednesday. you see? but that happens to me often anyway haha. like during high school, several times i would lose sleep over some long report only to learn i wouldn't be reporting on the assigned date. fun. the only bonus i get from "ya sure it's okay, i can always report some other time" is the fact (hah. fact yes, fact) that my classmates or whomever i report to really understand what i'm saying unlike most reporters i've observed who simply read. haha i did compare huh? okay, just being proud here =p

this morning, kenneth (classmate) and i talked about how we seemed apathetic this week. mr. and ms. drive just wouldn't pay us a visit. too bad for him, he's not used to it. and i'm quite fortunate that i know how to deal with things like these. you see, this whole entry has been about school. yes, that's how determined i am. it's this serious cos all my subjects' grading system just totally suck. you miss a quiz, you're 50-50. there's no special anything for you. and so, you can't just be "ayos lang yan, bawi nalang next time" all the time. with or without drive, you have to do your thing IF you want to thrive, which i do. haha. well you know my foremost goal. or you dont? i havent been really touching it. well, let's wait and see..

ah, so much for school. i hope to go out tomorrow night,or tonight since it's already saturday. this blog missed out on a lot of events from the not so distant past. aww. but i tell you, so much has happened after my aug 8 post. but over-all rating of how my life has been: pleasing.

oh finally, a post!

i'm baaaack. yiz. and ive lots of kwento and rants and everything.. in between? haha for now i just want to be happy cos august is such a gloomy, rainy month. i just, you know, dont wanna hate life again and resort to something really really stupid. nuh uh, never again. i hope. cos like right now i wanna burst into tears, disappear or shrink or get swallowed by shootney my lovely pc. and like right now negative thoughts are trying very hard to infiltrate my mind. konti nalang talaga masasagad na. i swear it hurts like hell. is history repeating itself? i cant breathe. i cant think properly. and like right now i swear the last thing i wanna do is live. i want to die. seryoso

but i said be happy. haaayyy HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEILA BABES! i love you super! thank you for sticking by my side. i love you really. :)

*shout outs*
SHEILA yun nga happy birthday. i love you. mmmwah!
KENNETH g'luck sa report laturr. and kaya natin to lagpasan, tayo pa! lecheng august no? haha
MANA i love you to bits:)

para kang humihila ng tali tapos sa sobrang bigat nun naka-tie sa kabilang end, unti unting dumudulas sa kamay mo yung tali. pero still, nag ho-hold on ka parin kahit na alam mo na in a few minutes, mahuhulog ka lang din naman.

walang sense. ok. BE HAPPY nalang. haha

Four jobs I've had in my life:
1. professional klutz
2. full time adik
3. lost student
4. super girlfriend? haha

Four movies I'd watch over and over:
1. KOH (i just dont know why!!)
2. beautiful boxer (seriously)
3. in good company (steady movie)
4. hitch ('stig. boyplen boyplenan days =p)

so i know those movies do not trigger any internal bleeding. haha im so shallow

Four places I've lived in:
1. tanay and
2. manila
just stayed (vacay-ed) in places like bicol and laguna

Four TV shows I'd like to watch (as much as possible):
1. sa piling mo (LEAVE ME ALONE!haha)
2. oprah (actually anything in etc)
3. csi (if not, international/global news)
4. anything in discovery channel
5. (so make that five tv shows =p) various shows in cartoon network and nickelodeon

Four places I've been on a vacation:
1. tanay (can you say duh)
2. bora
3. laguna
4. bicol

Websites I visit daily:
1. google
2. fster
3. lj
4. lycos/gmail/blogspot. haha im cheating i know

My favorite foods:
1. kfc and mcdo fries
2. kitkat chunks
3. fettuccine (solid!)
4. creme brulee (and whateverly yummy-flavored crepe!)

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. monaco
2. the bahamas
3. malibu
4. wanna be anywhere in makati RIGHT NOW

Four friends I think will respond
1. n
2. o
3. n
4. e

see? still got to do that despite my ym status shouting: work overload. hay, im just so good in multi-tasking that i dont actually finish anything. boo.

this self-punishing is just getting too much. huhu. but it's ok i guess. since my eating habits quite make up for it. hahaha shit. i WANT, NEED, DEMAND SLEEEEEEP. anyway i'll update some other time. work overload i said, yes?

.000000001 down. 2897136987 to go. second day of prelims tomorrow. cwg and eng. my worries are math and philo actually. the former is on thurs while the latter is scheduled on friday. math. i don't know why no matter how i try to please him, nothing nice ever happens.. between the two of us. how much effort do you need, huh, math? i'm always, always, trying my best. but you just can't be my strong suit. ouch

kanina i was panicking to death. thinking about how i was gonna manage my littlest time left to study lit, MATH, philo, and socio (thurs and fri exams).i know it's just tuesday today. i was wondering how much time would studying all those consume, without even touching my geo and english notes. haha. well cos maybe i was "sure" of them already? nah, i just knew they weren't that difficult. and yes, i panicked. but look at me now. haha. well i guess it's just how my brain works. once it recognizes it's already familiar with certain things, it wouldn't let ME review those anymore. hassle, but not really. hehe i trust my brain. hahaha doob-free forever eh, so safe to function WELL :)

i had to quit put off smoking cos my phlegm is tossing me down. eowch. my skin's becoming dry. little rashes start to reside in my face. in short, i'm getting ugly. haha fuck yosi. it's a good thing i didn't get addicted to it. well there were times i would get cheesed off for not being able to smoke. but i was never hooked. i would chain smoke, but i was never a chain smoker. now i know i'm making sense. haha you get it.

damn boys. fond of making girls get stuck on a shit hole. hah. but please.. stop making me look ahead to something that's never gonna roll up. it sucks. do it to someone else who YOU KNOW is better in handling situation like this. HAVE MERCY. fuck as if i can control. you know BACKSLIDING IS INEVITABLE. i may most of the time be on the right track.. but but. you knoooow. i'm never gonna be as stone as them. stay away if you won't mean anything that i want. hahaha i know i'm pathetic. so just stay away so there's no walking away. what what SO I'LL BE OK :(

okay, back to work.

saturday... i hope to see you and be with you and use you.. consume you.. aaahhhhh

...lak (yiz, alak. just in case you were slow haha wenk!)

saturday... i hope to see you and be with you and use you.. be on fire with you..

red?

i just hope my condition gets better by sat. i promise naman that i'll smoke rarely nalan. i'll try my best to quit smoking. for now, with my all shit loads, i think i still need it.

back to work seriously.

Date:	2006-07-31 22:39
Subject:	FALSE ALARM! tadah!
Security:	Public
Mood:	false alarmed? :p
Music:	Claire de Lune - Debussy

hmm..yea, so it was. i think. i really don't care. but i still wish him well. ya.. so there. false alarm. hahaha.

i'm excited for tomorrow's hmmmmmmm. yay. crossing all my fingers. haha.

SUNDAY JULY 30 ENTRY

i'm SUPER supposed to be studying at this very moment, but but! ..i just can't get over what i witnessed few hours ago. aaaahhhhh! i cannot contain my snooping!! i'm so not supposed to act this way. hello alps?? it has been forever since.. DUUHHH. my goodness this is crazy!

anywaaayyy, i love my hair tonight and tomorrow. haha! basta i just do. and tomorrow.. yes tomorrow. monday yes? yes monday. hmmmmm. can he be the reason for me to stop being nosy about what happened today? so he can't. my goodness part two: the signs are showing up once again!!! yikes.

now "my crying right after spotting THAT picture" still remains very moot to me. what is up with everything, seriously? ang weird na sobra. sobra that it starts to bother me. scratch that. it starts to hurt me all over again:(

putanginang love life. hindi na natapos. as a matter of fact...

remember the kid? yes same blah blah kid. so he FINALLY got my not-so-new-anymore number and started texting me yesterday. acting all feeling close and stupid. then at around 2am, he texted again asking for my land line number. what the F is up with that kid? so you see, what he did during "our" days (eowch!) was just too much. too much that i can't even consider him as you-know-what. ew. let's not talk about it na nga. i'm not sorry for being like this - honest. haha at hindi mean!

another thing that remains very moot: what's up with my heart beating extremely fast when i almost messaged him few minutes ago? eh ano naman diba? pero hindi eh. puta i was like "shit muntik na ko dun ah." maybe cos i knew it would 'bring up' something? something deep down, i really wanted to be brought up? whatever. this is so not necessary. it's soooo past.

it's so past and yet i miss him everyday? hahaha! it's so past and yet i was telling myself kanina na "good lord, it's actually ok if i go through the same hell again. i think i still want him back. i always do" OMG hahaha! super na to. kadiri na. haha. but at least i can just laugh it all off. so it's all good. it is naman talaga:) nakaka-miss lang silang matitino. oh, haay..

ngayon ko lang to na-realize ng buong buo, sakin, sobrang malayo ang "gusto" sa "mahal." isipin nyo, kung medyo over na ako dun sa gusto ko, ma-take nyo pa kaya kung sa mahal ko na? (putangina cheesy na kung cheesy eh ano naman? hahaha!) grabe. nothing has changed. naka-move on lang ako sa lahat, pero pagdating sa STYLE ko, tangina, walang pinagkaiba. sobrang martyr ko pa din.

ka-cornihan ng buhay. ungguy-ungguyan. haha. wala lang.. =p

Date:	2006-07-30 22:29
Subject:	uh-oh.. oh oh oh! =p
Security:	Public
Mood:	what was that choods??

my song at the moment. perfect:)

YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE - The Strokes

Some people think they're always right
Others are quiet and uptight
Others they seem so very nice nice nice nice (oh-ho)
Inside they might feel sad and wrong (oh no)

Twenty-nine different attributes
Only seven that you like
Twenty ways to see the world (oh-ho)
Twenty ways to start a fight (oh-ho)

Oh don't don't don't get up
I can't see the sunshine
I'll be waiting for you, baby
Cause I'm through
Sit me down
Shut me up
I'll calm down
And I'll get along with you

Oh men don't notice what they got
Women think of that a lot
One thousand ways to please your man (oh-ho)
Not even one requires a plan (I know)

Countless odd religions, too
It doesn't matter which you choose (oh no)
One stubborn way to turn your back (oh-ho)
This I've tried and now refuse (oh-ho)

Oh don't don't don't get up
I can't see the sunshine
I'll be waiting for you, baby
Cause I'm through
Sit me down
Shut me up
I'll calm down
And I'll get along with you
Alright

Shut me up
Shut me up
And I'll get along with you

Date:	2006-07-29 01:39
Subject:	*crickets*
Security:	Public
Mood:	floating upside down
Music:	I'm Not Okay I Promise - My Chemical Romance

a steady day, it was.

i've been CRUSHFUL lately. it's so weird. i don't know whether it's cute or i just really have to settle down. ooh settle down. WHAT SETTLE DOWN. no need of settling down. no man to settle down with. oh.my.god

errr. i feel like floating. no depression whatsoever. or yea? not too glad either. what's up with me! i've been so inconsistent and unpredictable. today i wake up feeling so lucky i have this and that, later, after a nap and some few reflections, i feel the emptiest. this is so not me. i feel like i'm being embodied by a very foreign soul. duh duh, go ahead, say all the most complicated descriptions alps. it only all comes down to necessitating the man who suddenly disappeared. damn charles. i need to talk to you

thank God for wonderful friends. special mention to ally, neil, sheila and jamie. I LOVE YOU GUYS. you are all so lovely. you make my life close to lovely. haha:)

now i'm confused whether or not i should continue with this AB Debate Parliament. it's kind of demanding (haha *feeler! i havent even attended a single meeting yet!). two hours training. and we're required to AT LEAST have four trainings every week! puta. feeling ateneo debate society? (hooops!) i dooon't knowww. i don't feel like joining anymore:( what has gone wrong with my passion for debating? OR alps, was it passion to begin with? (hahaha)

you're never gonna be an obsession you know.

i don't know. i don't. don't. don't. shucks am i being too negative? ok, i know right?

but fuck i want you terribly! I DON'T KNOW. i just do. whuut. hahaha. be mine???

there. i finally gave in. so is that what i really want? maybe. most probably.

i suck. at least this one I KNOW. goodness gracious. this is so pathetic.

------------------------------------------------

FLY FLY FLY.

"i missed you"

"i'm gonna miss you. shit it's still on monday"

i wish you fly... to him.

you know, i'll actually try to do this for you.

but i'm sleepy, i don't know.

**i'm happy for ex no. 1. he seems so happy with everything that's been happening. haha ok that's too general. yea, that's the way to go stoodie. but i miss you. but you should ignore. fine is everything:) aw, "we couldve been 2 yrs" is fast approaching. but we're so happy right now, aren't we? and let shall keep it this way. work it out boy. you both can do it. here's my biggest warmest hug.:)

i should always remind myself that this is a lovely, lovely life. God knows what, when, and how to GIVE. i should just actually prepare for it. it's just crazy when He does. i might not handle;)

Date:	2006-07-22 08:41
Subject:	Run!
Security:	Public
Mood:	feeling geeky
Music:	Heart Of Mine - Side A (bakit gusto ko eh =p)

i have just listed down all the things i have to accomplish before the preliminary exams. they're too many! and now here comes the hardest part... i can't seem to start with any of the five scheduled today. ayayay! but no. i have "drilled" myself. i'm starting to live by this rule: if i won't accomplish everything i'm supposed to accomplish today, then i have failed- with or without excuses. but failure is never an option. i have to succeed. succeed. succeed. get punished if i deserve it. there's no slacking off this time. yes.

i'm not being too hard on myself, am i? (sus, i-menthol and lights mo lang yan!)

so ok. ready... set...

i'll go now.

Date:	2006-07-21 22:48
Subject:	He was right.. I guess
Security:	Public
Mood:	ecstatic, nostalgic, adik
Music:	At The Beginning - Richard Marx & Donna Lewis

Q: A friend whose name starts with 'M'
A: Maica
Q: 4th person on your missed calls?
A: er. don't wanna look it up on my phone pa
Q: What did your last text message say?
A: "shane" cos i asked who she was. hehe
Q: Do you chew on your straws?
A: no
Q: Do you have curly hair?
A: wavy
Q: What is the next concert you're going to:
A: not my kind of thang (what? thang? hahaha skw)
Q: Who is the coolest person in your life?
A: hmm..caloy still. i think. hehe
Q: What words do you say a lot?
A: "er", "shit", "tangna"
Q: What is the last thing you ate?
A: peanuts:)
Q: What was the last thing you said to someone?
A: i dont remember
Q: Do you watch TV?
A: at times
Q: Most random thing you've heard in the past few months?
A: i can't think of any
Q: Do you have work/school tomorrow?
A: no
Q: Ever been hunting?
A: tutubi? haha
Q: Is marriage in your future?
A: well.. i hope and pray
Q: What should you be doing right now?
A: drinking
Q: Do you have a nickname?
A: ALPS
Q: Do you believe in love at first sight?
A: no. it's lust at first sight in actuality
Q: Who's the youngest one in the family?
A: moi
Q: Is drug free the way to be?
A: i'm..but i don't know. i can't say
Q: Are you a heavy sleeper?
A: uh, no! sound of fart can actually wake me up. hassle!
Q: Do you clean up nice?
A: i guess
Q: Last time you used a skateboard?
A: jurassic era
Q: Have you ever started an uncontrollable fire?
A: nope
Q: Ever run out of gas on the road?
A: hmm..almost
Q: Best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
A: none
Q: Whats your favorite form of travel?
A: good car + FUNNY driver + pleasing road + ipod + open air + chews + lovely and relaxing destination + K.O. company! =) =) =) haayyy, good times..
Q: Next place you'll go:
A: as in new one? or not? not going to any new place anytime soon. but tomorrow i'll be in manila pav AGAIN. or maybe greenhills.. not sure
Q: Next movie you want to see:
A: i don't know! er.. ok, any jude law or orli bloom movie. delicious:)
Q: Next person you want to sleep with:
A: next person? what next person?!? but right now, the only person i wanna sleep with is...... hahahahaha! crazy!
Q: Next car you want to have:
A: ford escape plsssssssss i'm sooo in love with it. i dunno why!
Q: Next time you're going out:
A: tomorrow night i hope. if not, then next week.
Q: Next time you're going to movie:
A: next week?
Q: Next thing you're going to save money for:
A: this gorgeous boho flops.
Q: Next time that you will drink alcohol:
A: later!!!!!! yay! i'm SUPER excited to get wasted. hahaha
Q: Next person you are going to call:
A: i don't do the phoning nga diba
Q: Next place you'll take vacation:
A: sembreak. duh
Q: Next thing you are going to do after filling this survey:
A: clean myself up
Q: Next thing you are going to do outside:
A: smoke?
Q: Next person you'd like to see fill this out:
A: nobody

DETOX!!!

the way to go? skyflakes. water. coffee/macchiato. marl lights. drugs (joke hehe).

it's 450 in the morning and i'm updating. wow.

i have long socio test and possible theo orals too. wow.

and i don't think i still feel the same. hmm..okay, there's still something but but but. yes, right. haha. i need to resist. so far, i'm doing really well. wow:)

Date:	2006-07-16 00:37
Subject:	I know your ultimate prayer one day
Security:	Public
Mood:	i dont know. do you?

"hmm yeah so how are you?"

"ok i guess."

"how ok exactly?"

"surviving."

"hmmm."

"you wanna? you can?"

"of course. always"

"no. you've nothing to worry about though"

"but you have something to tell me. go ahead"

"you think i can still go on?"

"oh. this time it's concerning what? damn of course. you can. alwaayyysss"

"i just.. u know. er, you know my usual burden"

"ok.. im getting it. what about it?"

"i cant go on."

"no?"

"i mean i cant go on with this conversation anymore."

"you know you can always try anything. dont be too hard on yourself. whatever it's about, remember hard work pays off. just live"

"living is getting harder.."

"i said, you try anything. in moderation. do not abuse yourself k? just be happy."

"i wish things were the same."

"i sometimes do. but what can we do about it?"

"nothing right? yea nothing. i just need him to come back.. and stay with me"

"him. oh. i... see"


someday, we will meet someone who will make us realize why it never worked out with the others.

very true.. what a downer, YOU. boo.

Date:	2006-07-15 13:03
Subject:	WOOD
Security:	Public
Mood:	kamote
Music:	Shake - Ying Yang Twins Ft. Pitbull

1. What would you do if the someone who can only make you stop crying was the reason why
you're crying?

-->you mean the one i love? if he always makes me cry, then i guess it's time to run off. it depends though, you know. depends on the reason why i'm crying. if it's my fault anyway, then... let's see. haha nah, it's not likely naman. if we're on a relationship, then things would be a lot easier. at least I can tell him how I feel about anything without hesitation because i know the "real score". but if not, it's difficult cos it would be too uncomfortable for me to make any move. first, the status is not clear. I don't know where I truly stand. whether it's near or far from him, I have no idea. so i star as miss play-it-safe. exactly how? i try to sense everything first. but sometimes guys tend to be real jerks, yes? they make things complicated at the highest level. not that they intend to do so (SOMETIMES), it's just that, it's their nature! today they're the sweetest thing, tomorrow they're the most acidic! now it would really confuse and scare me to do anything. but if it's really the case, basing from MY real makeup, i'd wait 'til the biggest ASK HIM hoarding rolls up everywhere. it's better i guess. you have to save yourself from possible shame and letdown. after all, if the guy really likes you, he goes out of his way just to win you. aw:)


2. What would you do if somebody walked in and told you she was impregnated by your boyfriend?

--> i'll talk to my boyfriend. set things straight. he will have to explain everything. everything true. if i can see that it wasn't my boyfriend's fault (what not his fault?! he was so aware he was doing it! ok. yes i know, right? but possibly something else could have happened that night. say, he actually got raped? haha), that he's not excited about being a father hahaha, that he doesn't want me to leave, that i'm the ONLY one he really loves, then i would accept the sad reality that i'm about to marry a man who has a kid from another woman. that is if i really love my man. hehe but OTHERWISE (it was his fault, he liked what happened even if he loves me dearly, etc etc), then i (just) have to let go, move on and welcome new boys. haha and try not to be bitter about the infidelity of my man. you know, i'm naturally sweet and kind (uh. how boring!). so it will take a really horrible something for me to begrudge.

3. What would you do when you wanted to leave him or you wanted him to leave you alone, but yet, you can't because you still love him/ he won't because he needed you?

--> one lesson learned: if i still love my man, i will never ever leave him. unless i need to (and not just want). because i know the pain it will cause me eventually. you knew this happened to me already. you also knew it was the most painful event in my life ever. yes in my how many years of existence. but if i wanted him to leave me alone but he won't cos he needed me.. i don't know. wait till he lets go of me? hehe.

4. What would you do if you knew your best friend cheated on his girlfriend?

--> oh. cheating... automatic infidelity with or without excuses. since i can't make him confess to his gilfriend his assholeness if he really doesn't want to, i'll just convince him to break up with her. so his crime won't be continuing and his chastisement won't be behindhand. hahaha and make him be sincerely sorry. and make him feel guilty. make him realize of how loser-y he is. haha that's the essence of being a best friend ;)

5. What would you do if one day you woke up and he's already gone with someone else?

-->>nyah. haha, let go! move on with life (clicheee). i know it's so much easier said than done, but "nearly" committing to different types of guys, i've just learned so much. i've had enough of feeling sorry for myself during my sulking epoch. and it never did me well. but we really do learn from our experiences. and i learned that we can always master the art of losing--the art of letting go. it takes time to accept, it's not easy. specially accepting the fact that he's now happy with someone else. probably happier. it actually seems to worsen everything. but there.. like i said, i've already learned so much. i no longer make anyone my world. so ditched once more(haha ouch!), i know i'm gonna be fine. besides, there are other better, reasonable things worth losing sleep over! i'll take him for another experience. haha